The final message in our church’s series about love, dating, and sex was this morning. We didn’t make it as both of the boys are fighting colds but, they told us the talk this morning was about sex, so I though we’d jump in on our own. Great reading for the holiday weekend!
My grandparents lived in the town of Spring City, PA for the majority of their adult lives. The house was a few minutes away from Pennhurst State School and Hospital (famous for the tragic happenings inside and the haunting that followed). I remember my grandmother telling me that illegitimate and unwanted children were dropped at the entrance and left to grow up in the halls of the hospital.
Sex was different at the turn of the century.
It was always there. You can check historical records of prostitution “the oldest trade” back thousands of years. It was used for domination, perversion, worship, and procreation. Beauty was recognized, regardless of gender, and the wealthy chased it with passion. Times have changed.
We have reached a point of sex being a commodity. It is front and center with the advent of technology. The secrets behind bedroom doors are now public material. The most intimate of acts has been thrust to the center of conversation for better or worse.
I spent almost a year working at the Children’s Home of Reading and spending time with the victims of human trafficking and abuse. I’ve listened to an in-service lecture at a local high school by a lawyer discussing current cases of teens “sexting” pictures of themselves and their partners. It is a dangerous world.
That’s why, as parents and couples, we must take it back.
I look at Carter and Aiden and I don’t envy the world they will have to navigate as they get older. They will fall in love, date, have their hearts broken, date again, and keep going. They will be able to reach out and connect with love interests at the touch of a button. They need to be prepared.
Have the Talk: Just do it. Talk about sex. Explain the importance of the act. Talk about how babies don’t just go away whether you are the mother or father. Talk about the responsibility that comes with it. Build a bridge of trust and make sure your kids know the door is always open. Sex is a scary thing and they don’t have to face it alone.
Use Technology to Your Advantage: There are programs available to monitor cell phone use. Pornography is a vast and active problem in culture. Check the resources here from XXX Church based in Las Vegas. Keep an eye on browsing records, text conversations, and Instagram accounts. Know what is happening. Be your child’s advocate. Step in when needed and show them you care.
In your marriage:
Have the Talk: Sex is made to bring you together with your partner yet, even in marriage, we use it for different reasons. It can be a reward or withheld as punishment. It can be the foundation to the deepest level of emotional connection. It can also drive a wedge between you.
After the kids go to bed, sit at the table. Talk about what is working and what isn’t. Make sure you know what the other person wants and needs. Make sure you care.
Make the Effort: When the weight of bills, medical issues, the kids, jobs, and life starts to hit you can forget about your partner. You walk into the room with a nod and without a touch of the hand or hug. You say goodbye without a kiss.
You come home from work and hop on the computer, treadmill, or cell phone.
Take time for each other. Even if you have to schedule it. Pay attention. Buy the gifts. Make the dinner. Go to the movies, rent a movie, do something together. Hold hands. Compliment. Recognize the effort spent in a day of work.
Serve each other.
We can reclaim sex from this society and make it what is it supposed to be. I want Carter and Aiden to be gentlemen and, to do that, they’ll need to see my example. It’s not always easy but it is always worth it.
~Matt and Val