I’m excited to be adding a new addition to this site. Val and I will be posting together and covering some topics related to marriage and families. We’ve been married for seven years and in a relationship for sixteen years as we met in high school. She is a hair stylist and a Thirty-One consultant. You can find her website here. Now for the first post of the series:
Friday morning I asked a coworker how her kids were doing. We each have two boys, roughly the same age. Val and I had met her and her husband for once for a play date with all our kids. She proceeded to tell me a story about the day before and struggles to get the kids in the car, dropped off at their daycare, picked up, and dealing with them destroying the house at home. I could identify with every issue. Her husband works later hours and drives a good distance to get to his job. She finished her story with this important question that she asked her husband:
“When do I get a break?”
Val and I work opposite hours. She has the boys during the day and they often find ways to drive her crazy. She needs a break. I know she needs a break and yet the hardest thing is to engineer ways to get it done. Carter and Aiden love her and want to be around her so any suggestion I have to take the boys on my own is often met with resistance from their end. We talked last night and realized that we needed a strategy, a plan to take back some time as parents. Kids can rule your world but, only if you let them. Here are three tips to take back your time:
1/Meet at the table: Unity is powerful. Your children need to see you together and a meal is the perfect place. If you are in a marriage where you work different hours, then pick one of the meals of the day and have it together. If this needs to be on the weekend, make it happen. When the family shares a meal as a unit, great things can happen. You parent as a team, talk about the day, plan for the future, and touch base on any issues. Being together as spouses creates valuable time when one party usually has the kids for the majority.
2/Open Communication: American Beauty is one of my favorite movies. It is a tragic story that hits home on many levels. In this clip you’ll see an interaction between Kevin Spacey and Annette Bening (husband and wife).
How many of us have had talks like this with our spouses? On the surface, we see the conflicts. Spacey has traded in their family car for his dream car. He asks Bening why she has no joy in her life. In the movie Bening is having an affair, thus her response to his question. They are living on two different levels, just look at their outfits. To combat this in the real world, make sure you have open communication. Use social media, phone calls, text messages, whatever you can find. Leave notes around the house of instruction and encouragement. Stay unified as parents and you’ll be able to meet conflicts and solve problems as they arise.
3/ Rewards: We all want rewards. We want acknowledgement of our efforts at work and at home. Schedule a personal reward each week, even daily if you want. Make it a hot bath, watching the football game, getting that one ____ that you’ve been walking by on your trips to Target. We need to pay ourselves every now and then. If you structure in a personal reward, stick to it. Create a goal and your days will have direction and momentum. Create a goal as a couple and you have unity. Create goals as a family and bring everyone on board. Achieve these goals and let the rewards flow.
I’m excited to keep this series going as we head into fall. Keep your eye out for more posts from Val and I together as we move into that magical time of year, Back to School. Let us know what you think and we look forward to your responses.!
~Matt and Val