I am Not Cut Out For This

I am not cut out for this.

Writing should be honest and this post will be as straightforward as I can get.

I am not cut out for this.

After a while, so many forces pull you in different directions and you look in the mirror and wonder how in the world you’ll do another twenty-four hours tomorrow. We cope with it in a variety of ways, some negative and some positive. Life can push you forward or pull you down, often both more than once in a single day.

When all the forces pile up, you reach an impasse and realize that something has to change.

The good news is, you are in good company.

pexels-photo

The Bible is full of people not cut out for their callings.  Adam and Eve had one job, to avoid a certain tree, and they failed. Moses debated God when he was told to march into Egypt and confront royalty.  Jonah ran the other direction from his divine appointment.

Paul was struck down on the road to kill more Christians.

Peter denied Jesus three times. Thomas demanded visual proof of the Resurrection.

Being human means we are not cut out for this.

I’d love to pull out some solid quote about motivation and calling here but, after taking three hours to put Aiden to sleep, I don’t know if I have it. I’m sitting in the kitchen typing next to the window listening to the bugs chirp in the night.

There is peace to the darkness.

Maybe that’s the point.

When you fall, when you find yourself questioning and running the other way,  there is peace.  There is silence in the deepest part of the struggle. There is hope in weakness because we can’t lean on ourselves.

We can only look to the sky and cry out for help.

So tonight isn’t a Paul moment.  It isn’t visual proof or divine intervention.

Tonight is a small voice deep inside saying, It will be okay.

It will be okay.

~Matt

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s