I woke up today and just wasn’t feeling it. The sky was cloudy, work would be busy. The boys were their crazy selves. I drove in and sat at my desk and it just hit me.
The weight of everything fell on my shoulders. I was on the ropes, taking shots and trying to hang on. Strength faded.
Ever feel like this?
The Psalms were one of the first places I found and rested in the Bible. David is honest. Yes, he writes about all kinds of praise and picturesque images. He also lays out his heart over suffering and sorrow. He flows through the heights and depths of all human existence.
In the 56th Psalm he writes that God knows his tears and that they are written down and accounted for. God remembers. As I read over that line I suddenly understood.
I felt forgotten.
It is the nightmare for any writer. In Dante’s Inferno, the souls in hell can see the future and past, but not the present. Their punishment is living as personifications of the forgotten, never knowing where they stand at that moment. Imagine a life where the present is a void of empty space.
Most of us live it every day.
We regret and mourn the past while we fear the future. We look back and ahead with such an intensity that it blanks out the present. We miss the moments that matter. Dante wrote this as a punishment in hell. Why settle for it as reality?
The night ended better than the day.
I spent time with Carter, helped him with his homework and watched him make an art project. We talked about his emotions and what it feels like to get angry. I looked in his eyes and there was a genuine connection.
Grab the connections. Hold them in your heart. For they are divine instances of God reminding you things will be okay. You are not forgotten. Your sorrows are numbered and, because God knows, he will intervene.
God knows. Even in the silence, the sadness, the illness, the conflict, struggle and strife.
He will make something beautiful from our stories. Every page and moment counts.